My Writings

A Time to Be

I used to encircle myself with the memories of my closest ones, but they were not my memories. I heard stories about the past, I imagined how life must have been – in the time before I was conscious, in the time before I myself acted.

I was nursed with stories, fables, legends. Family. Actors – in my mind the figures of my life shone brightly, titanic, perfect, infallible. That was the foundation of my world. I did not question. I believed. My mind was never left hungry, wanting, but was always sated with the tales of someone else.

So I built. I built walls of fantasy, I built the golden vessel that would take me – somewhere, in some direction. My only compass – a childish understanding. My only guide – a need to restore balance, to keep myself afloat for just a moment, a desperate bid to live, a rise above the water – just to breathe – on the brink.

Later I learned the Truth. The path to my future began when all search for answers ended. Armies came to challenge my fortress. My beliefs were slain. Again and again, I rebuilt the sand castle, but the waves washed it away each time. Every fragment that broke away from myself, painfully, was covered in my claw marks.

Now I watch it all, arms cross, eyes – cold. It is all meaningless. I have heard the claims of one side, I listened to the other, both wrong, both right in their eyes. Myself in the middle, I walked away. You have heard me say it many times – the past is a foreign land. Other laws govern it.

Who has power to understand the past, who remembers perfectly, honestly, who does not forget? Oh, yes, I remember, very cleverly, in fact, I “remember” how it was. I was there when I saw it and I made myself believe it… That is not me.

I do no remember anything of the events that shaped my life most profoundly. I do not know. I do not claim to understand. All is as was His will. Pain is a fleeting memory – pain or no pain, it matters not. I feel it no more.

In me, there is an infinite ocean of potential, life.

Now is my time to live.

Now is my time to be.


Related posts

My Writings

Land of Ing

I was a student, in the Land of Ing, the great and powerful, the fertile. I adopted its tongue, speaking sweetly to my soul. Self-e...

My Writings

A Conquered Summit

What stands before me, is the realization of the individual, and its establishment, in the world. The end of a cycle, a path that circ...