My Writings

The Unbeliever and the Unbelievable

Artwork: Bogdan Sassu

Your love is the rejuvenating force that brought me back to life. In a time of exhaustion, hands and feet shaking , and turmoil crawling beneath the skin. In a time of great strain forced upon a being stretched between the necessary and the impossible.

That is how I find myself – day by day. That is how I live and learn to thrive in the suffering. I was born to suffer. I see the fields of life stretching well into the distance – cold and relentless – and joy, and pleasure, and laughter- spread around that canopy – infinitely distant from each other, stretched way too thin. A life to drown a man, a life to drown his screams in a dry, aching throat.

That is where I find you. The last softness left in me embraces you in the palm of my hand – my fingers encircle yours – fragile and lean. You being here contradicts what I know of the world. In my mind, in my understanding – perfection such as yours is impossible to sustain in a contaminated world. A transient, dying world. A grain of sand at a time, a drop of water washed in the abhorring, salty sea – it dies.

And yet here we are. The Unbeliever and the Unbelievable. Every moment, in which your perfection remains complete, and untouched, I cherish. You give me time – time to stand up, to gallop through the mud of this forsaken field as a proud mare – my being facing the ground like lightning and rising again – stronger. No force can halt my progress, no pain is great enough to dampen my strife with the world – perhaps – a struggle in vain – perhaps – to a fulfilling end.

I am as transient as the world. But perhaps – in my time with you – I will be able to rise above it.

And assume your perfection.

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