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Freezing, away from home, foreign dirt on my boots, and alien thoughts, morphed into the shape of some other reality. I believed, since I can remember, I could never be outstripped, in my lust for the road, for the journey, for the far away, fabled lands, so much closer to the edge of the world, or perhaps – its center, that I could become large. Infinitely distanced from here and its oppression.

I ran, I thought, for good health. In truth, I ran away, running towards, the running away. Despised the ordinary, naturally born and bred, brought up, in full, good families, and fed breakfast, lunch and supper. Called to the table, in green gardens.

At least I was told to not do this or that, though I never listened. To keep my back warm, to never go out in winter with wet hair. My being must have known that there were souls who care. I was given earthly, simple love, but its recognition comes only now.

I told the stranger, how unwanted I was here, and believed it, truly. A raven amongst peacocks, or perhaps the opposite, but an ugly duckling, nonetheless. In every room, out of place, in absence of space, claustrophobia, walls of living bodies walled me in, and yet I was alone.

Now I have nested in the everlasting Now, to discover, in complete absence of need, that I simply,

Want to stay here.

05.06.2021