My Writings

The Fever of Life

Death, sweet release. One cannot escape hell by standing still. So I ran without direction, and the earth cracked underneath my feet, rifts opening like wounds, and mountains of pain rising above me. Horizons stretched even further now, out of reach, there is no escape.

Instead, Salvation must be earned. Do you realize, seeker, the gravity of what you are asking for? To be released from the circle of life, to never have to be born again, to burn the ties that bind you and here, now, in this lifetime attain your goal? Do you know how precious a gift it is to never suffer again, to never want again, to never again forget who you were, having to crawl through the relearning?

That Gift is reserved only for the greatest among Men.

You know that you are not one of them. Yet. There is more. There is more that you have to do, your candle still burns in the Fever of Life. But if you stare into the Abyss of the impossible task ahead of you, you will never move. You must forge a spirit of conviction within yourself.

There is an unyielding power in Man. To transcend his own boundaries. That I learned with my neck and hands tied, naked, knee deep in the mud, in the cold, but my mind remained clear. I thought – lamenting opportunities foregone is futile, past mistakes, the trail of pain that I left behind for others, the thorny road to my heart.

All of the pain that I have inflicted upon others, I will have to suffer. And there is nothing that can be done to avert it.

The wheel turns ever faster now.

In the hurt of the present, I am forced to run with my head down, the world pressing me against the ground, while I hold the delicate future in my trembling hands, afraid to drop and break it.

Still, the Mighty Lord has reduced my sentence through his magnanimous nature.

Still, he has led me down the narrow path.

The path of Final death, of sweet release.



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