Artwork: Diana Temelkova
Translation: Georgi Krastev
In principium, when I desired you – it was a warm, childish want, unconscious. I did not know yet, that your thirst is as is mine, that your eyes see as do I. I dropped my skin, painfully, sufferingly, in one soulful eruption. You remember my weakness, my imperfection. You have seen the shallow gaze and the narrow chest.
Should I appear in the darkness you shall know I am there. The blackness left scars on my hair and beard, and in my eyes, but my capacity to perceive beauty remained untarnished. My hands are not rough – they have been made to caress and embrace, to pick fruit. I dreamt my life, my impoverished days overflowed into even poorer nights, empty of anyone to love, when the ecstasy was still foreign to me.
One day I will go back to Heaven, which belongs to me with wings wide open. I will swirl gazing through the havens, I will drift in sweet unconsciousness, the warmth shall take me, while I slowly sink in bliss. The water covering my ankles contains the tears by which I won it.
You are a part of Heaven. My yearning of you was torture – I took into my eyes the warm flush of your cheeks, unable to kiss them. I yearned what I was unprepared for. My deep mind accepted you as a resident of its depths. Now you exist in my thoughts and I embrace you in my dreams, I twist you in my arms, so you can see from different angles. You and I – we are in a hall of mirrors – the light comes back from me towards you in a mutual contemplation, in mutual completeness.
I will not tell you how to live. I cannot sway you to my truths. You are equal to me in exploration I would leave you to explore me. What is it like to allow a man to conquer you, a man who desires you ever since the inception of his manhood? The desert desiccates the mind and births illusions. – that is where I want to take you – understand me, feel all the bliss that I offer. A perfume is strongest in the heat of the day; clarity of emptiness is purest at night. I will rinse my dusty face in your yes, so you can see me as I am.
Between dream and reality I will stand straight before you, naked and will leave your hands to discover me as they please.
Today I am walking the flower garden where I sowed myself. Maybe one day I will suffocate myself in the flowerbloom. I will be found shortly after – dead, but having lived in a sea of beauty.