My Writings

Force of Will

I look back at my recent past. In that time, I decided to face fear. As the feet of my cosmic Mother shook the ground around me, I remained undisturbed, silent. Waiting for the mind killer near the swamp. Soon its terrible mouth rises to the surface, and I must enter.

I am still as the night. Invisible. The warmth of my beating heart betrays me, and yet the Enemy is ignorant of my existence. In a dream, the spark of courage is ignited. I look around. Walking past me, brushing against my shoulder, are the horrors that I dread. I let them pass.

Purified. In the heart of the storm – a mind undisturbed. Safe in my own strength, instilled in me by my cosmic Father, and the warm embrace of my ancient Mother, I dance a step away from tragedy.

Now on my rising banner he is seen – the one who overcomes. The angry water, bursting from the heart of my world, crashing against the rock of life that crushed my back, grinding it to sand, tearing it apart though sheer Force of Will.

I cast the heavy baggage into the river and watched it slowly being carried away. I did not grieve for it, even for a second. Now how lightly did my feet dance, how clear my mind was, that I got drunk with the ecstasy of changing skins.

But now I have faced a fear I cannot yet break. I study it intently for weaknesses, but its parasitic body seems to stretch all over my being, sucking life away from it, so tightly knit together that I fear to strike. What will remain of me after that final fear is purged?

Will I even survive?

Thus I learned to flow around it – beaten, but not broken, I retreated. Watching it from above like a hawk.

One day I will strike.

12.09.2020

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